When Love Ends
by SparksJSH
Summary: Matt falls in love but will circumstances beyond his control keep that love from surviving?
1. Default Chapter

When Love Ends

When Love Ends

"Caldwell James?"

Matt Camden looked from the name on his list around the hospital waiting room to see who would answer his page. He had to admit that working as transport beat most of the jobs he'd had while working at the hospital. He know felt like he knew the entire layout of the hospital like the back of his hand. He had to in order to escort patients to the different areas for treatment. He looked at his sheet again; currently his destination would be the blood lab.

A petite young woman with full, wavy reddish blond hair and sparkling green eyes rose from her seat in the far corner and smiled at him. For a moment Matt was stunned. He'd never seen anyone like her before who could seemingly light up a room with one smile. She gave him a small salute as she stopped beside him. "That's me, Caldwell James."

Matt forced a shaky smile. "Matt Camden, nice to meet you."

Caldwell just looked at him for a moment as if she were waiting for him to say or do something. When it was apparent he was just going to stare at her; she shrugged her shoulders. "So, are you going to take me to the blood lab or ask me out on a date?"

"Would you have dinner with me tonight?" Matt blurted out without hesitation.

She laughed, the sound a delightful mix of giggle and mirth. "Hmm, let me think about it. But first, maybe we should head for the lab. I'm pretty sure the vampires are waiting for me there."

Matt snapped out of himself and almost blushed. "Yeah, right sorry. This way."

She fell easy into step beside him as if she knew the way by heart and didn't really need him at all. She gave him a sideways glance. "This isn't your usual job is it? I ask because usually the people doing transports don't have to be reminded to transport."

This time Matt did blush. "This is my second week but it's my first time to do that."

"Forget to transport or ask a girl on a date?"

"Both." Then he blushed harder. "I mean, I've asked girls on dates before but just not patients."

Caldwell laughed again. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just hate hospitals and needles and it helps if I joke around."

Matt laughed. "Trust me, I know all about not liking needles. I donated blood for the first and only time a little over two years ago while my mom was having twins. The only thing good about the experience was the cookies they gave me afterward."

"Were the babies and your mom okay?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, the blood wasn't for them. My dad just thought it would be a good way for me to kill time and for him to feel like less scared about what was happening. You would think he'd have been used to Mom being in labor by then, besides myself and the twins she gave birth four other times."

"Seven children or I guess more if the last set of twins wasn't the first? My mom swore to me for years that if she had known what labor was like before she had me, I would never have been born."

The two stopped outside the door marked lab. Matt was sorry they had gotten there so quickly. "Well, here we are."

Caldwell rocked on her heels a little. "Yeah, here we are. Thanks for the escort Matt. It was nice meeting you."

"Miss James, we've been waiting for you. Come on in." A young, pleasant faced nurse took the paper Matt was holding and beckoned Caldwell into the room. With a little wave, Caldwell turned away from Matt and followed the nurse inside. 

Matt watched her go for a full second and then frowned. "Hey, what about that date?"

*******

"You asked a girl you were transporting to the lab out on a date?" John Hamilton shook his head. Sometimes he just couldn't believe his former roommate. 

"Yeah but she never gave me an answer. You should have seen her John. I've never met anyone like her. She's beautiful; she's funny; she's…"

"Probably already got a boyfriend and thinks you are a nut case. Do you have a brain in that head of yours or did you lose it someplace?"

Matt shook his head. Why couldn't John understand? He was deliriously happy with Pricilla, surely he knew what it was like to fall head over heals for a girl. "She didn't mention one and she seemed to trust me well enough to escort her to the lab. What makes you so sure she might not like me?"

John laughed. "Because I know you."

The hospital pager on Matt's waistband went off. He knew that it meant his break was over and that he was needed to make another transport. He smiled when he read where he was to go. "Gotta go. I'm needed at the blood lab. Maybe Caldwell needs an escort back to the waiting room."

Matt made it to the blood lab quicker than he had ever responded to a page. The same nurse who had been there earlier smiled when he entered the lab. To his dismay, Caldwell was nowhere in sight. "Um, I was paged to come here."

"You're Matt Camden right?" She had a folded piece of paper in her hand. "I have a message for you."

Matt's face fell. A message; it was only a message. He took it but didn't open it at first. "While I'm here, is Caldwell James still here? She's the one I brought up here a half an hour ago."

The nurse shook her head. "No, she left about ten minutes ago. She said she could find her own way out."

Dejected, Matt left the lab. He didn't unfold his note until he got to the elevator. As he read the contents of the message, his face brightened once again. _Matt Camden, a dinner tonight sounds great. Call me at 555-6723 to discuss details. Caldwell._


	2. Chapter 2

"Matt, be honest with me…

"Matt, be honest with me…. Do I have something stuck between my teeth?" Caldwell James set her slice of pizza back on her plate and waited for Matt's reply with the utmost concern reflecting her emerald eyes. "You are staring at me; is that why?"

Matt laughed and ducked his head. "Sorry. No, no there's nothing stuck in your teeth. I just can't believe you agreed to have dinner with me. I must have sounded and acted like a complete idiot today at the hospital. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had run far, far away from me and never looked back. I would have been disappointed but I would have understood."

Caldwell wadded up an extra paper napkin and threw it at him. "You did and I almost did but then I decided I could trust you."

"Because I have a trustworthy face?"

When she laughed, Matt decided he could listen to that melody for years and never get tired of it. "Not exactly. But I figured with a preacher for a father you couldn't be all bad."

"How did you…." Matt was genuinely surprised.

"Know that your father was a preacher? Matt, I've been going to your dad's church for months now. I realized you must be his son when you mentioned having so many brothers and sisters. I don't think there are many Camdens in Glean Oak with seven children."

"I believe Mom and Dad might even be the only couple in Glen Oak with seven children let alone the only Camdens." Matt shook his head amazed by her revelation. "I should go to church more often."

"Yes you should. Your father is a good preacher. I should know; my parents dragged me to so many different ones growing up I've become a critical judge of clergy."

Matt took a swallow of his drink. "Why so many? Did you move a lot?"

"Just church memberships. My parents had their own twisted views of what they wanted out of church and what religion should be. Whenever they felt disappointed by a preacher they left, sometimes even in the middle of the service."

"What do they think of my dad?" Matt asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Well, they've never heard him preach. My mom died almost two years ago and my dad gave up on religion all together. However, knowing them as well as I do – and don't take this the wrong way – they would have hated your dad. He knows his stuff, which means he would be against almost everything they wanted to hear. But I think he's great."

Matt was surprised at how casually she mentioned her mother's death. He knew how wistful his own mother still became when mentioned her mother's death even after so many years. Before he could say anything a waitress arrived with the check. 

Once they were alone again Matt realized Caldwell was blushing slightly. "I'm sorry. I usually don't talk about my parents so much on a first date. Let's just declare the parental units a non-topic for the rest of the night, okay? Is your job at the hospital just to pay the bills or are you thinking about pursuing all things medical as a career choice?"

"I'm seriously thinking about going to medical school. What about you? I haven't seen you on campus; do you go to Crawford?"

Caldwell shook her head, her expression almost wistful. "I went to Berkley for a year and a semester. But before the last semester started I quit. I was just wasting my time there. So I moved here because my roommate told me what a great, friendly place this was. I'm working at the Glen Oak Stables and Riding School."

"Horses?" Matt tried to picture the beautiful young woman beside him atop such a majestic beast. He couldn't do it. It still blew his mind that his youngest sister was riding horses at her school. "Do you teach?"

"I teach; I clean stables; I exercise and groom horses. I do a little bit of everything. I used to want to ride in a rodeo circuit doing barrel races or if not that, then I was going to go to the Olympics as an equestrian rider."

"Used to? But not now?" 

For a moment Caldwell's green eyes lost their twinkle and she looked almost sad. Then she forced a smile. "Who knows; maybe I'll do it yet. There's a full moon tonight; the park should be a beautiful place to take a walk." She suggested, effectively cutting off the conversation.

Matt held her hand snugly in his own as they left the restaurant. Neither one saw a pair of familiar eyes following their every move. A smile played with the lips of the silent observer.

********

"This was nice."

Matt smiled at Caldwell as he walked her to the front porch of the little cottage she called home. The owner of the stables also owned the cottage and was renting it to her at a price she couldn't refuse. He hadn't seen the inside but the neat, almost fairy tale little home seemed to fit the young woman before him. He couldn't believe they had spent almost three hours walking in the park talking about everything and nothing.

Caldwell slipped her arms out of the brown sports jacket Matt had loaned her against the brisk chill of night while they walked and handed it to him. "I can't remember when I've had a nicer time. Thank you for a wonderful evening."

Matt put his hands on her shoulders and played with the little wisps of strawberry blonde hair that had escaped the long French braid that swayed gently down her back. His heart was beating rapidly. He'd never felt like this after a date with either Heather or Shana. Was this what real love felt like and could he truly be in love after only one evening? Even a foot away from her, he could almost feel her heart pounding as well, almost in sync with his. "Can I call you again?"

Caldwell blinked a couple of times and Matt was almost certain he saw a couple of unshed tears in her eyes. Had he said something wrong? Upset her in some way? But then she looked him straight in the eye and there was no trace of tears there, only a hint of doubt. "I don't know if you really want to."

"Oh believe me, I really, really do." Matt lowered his head toward hers, ready to brush his lips against hers in a tender goodnight kiss. But at the last minute she gave him a slight push away and turned her back to him. Afraid he'd overstepped his bounds, Matt hesitantly touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"No, it's not your fault, Matt. It's mine." She turned back to face him and this time there was no hiding the tears that turned her green eyes into swimming pools. "I like you – a lot. When I agreed to go to dinner with you I thought it would be just a nice night out with a nice if not slightly goofy guy. What could be the trouble with a harmless date? I never thought that you and I would feel like this after just one evening. I want you to kiss me; I want to see you again but I can't. Not without telling you the truth. It just wouldn't be fair to you."

Matt's heart was still pounding but this time it was from fear. What was she talking about? He remembered John's earlier prediction that she might have a boyfriend. Was that what this was? For a moment she said nothing but taking his hand in her own, she led him to the wicker love seat on her front porch. As they sat down, she shivered slightly. Automatically, Matt dropped his jacket back around her shoulders. "Caldwell, what is it?"

"I should have told you from the beginning but I just wanted one night with a guy who didn't look at me like I was going to break in two at any moment. It's one of the reasons why I moved here to Glen Oak. I wanted to be around people who didn't know and wouldn't be freaked out by me."

Matt gently caressed her cheek. "Who could ever be freaked out by you?"

"Just about everyone who knows. You will too, Matt when I tell you. If I were any less of a person I wouldn't tell you. I would let us see where this could go and only told you when there was no choice. But I can't do that. I can't live a lie. It wouldn't be fair to you and I couldn't live with the fear each day that you might find out the truth and hate me for not telling you."

Matt said nothing but waited patiently for her to continue. In his head a list of possible scenarios were running his imagination overtime. Nothing he could come up with could be as terrible as the way she acting it was. Her arms were crossed over her chest and silent tears streaked a path on her cheeks. She refused to look at him. Finally she turned to him, her eyes full of tears and begging him to understand.

"Matt, I'm dying."


	3. Chapter 3

"Dying

"Dying?" Matt stared at Caldwell, disbelief evident on his face. Surely, he had heard wrong; how could she be dying? "From what?"

Caldwell wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It has a name – a long complicated name with about ten syllables and almost unpronounceable. You probably wouldn't recognize the name anyway. It's extremely rare."

"But you don't look sick." Matt's mind was whirling. Working in the hospital, Matt had seen his share of terminal patients but they always looked like they were seriously ill. The petite girl beside him appeared to be perfectly healthy.

Caldwell smiled wanly. "Thanks. Today is a good day; and fortunately enough, my good days still outnumber my bad days. But I do on occasion look and feel like death warmed over – pardon the euphemism. I was born with a dormant rogue phagocyte that decided to wake up about five months ago. Normally phagocytes attack viruses and bacteria in order to protect the body. Instead this one attacks the healthy part of my body like my red blood cells and my neurons."

"Can't the doctors remove it?" Matt felt incredibly dense. He knew all about phagocytes and neurons and red blood cells from biology but this was completely new to him.

"It's not as easy as that. That one rogue phagocyte has probably cloned itself fifty times since it woke up. By the end every phagocyte in my body will be a carbon copy of the rogue cell. There's not a lot known about this disease because it is so rare. Only about one in every hundred thousand people, mostly women, spontaneously develop the destructive phagocyte without it being genetically passed down."

Matt considered what she was saying. "Your mom died from this didn't she?"

Caldwell nodded. "Yeah, she died when I was a senior in high school. I knew after she was diagnosed that I had only a one in four chance of being unaffected by the disease. My other three options was to be an inactive carrier, meaning that I would have the dormant gene and would only pass it on to my children if my husband was also a carrier. That would be the next best thing to not having the gene at all. Barring that I could be an active carrier, which would mean that the phagocyte would remain dormant in me, but any child I had would develop the disease at some point in his or her life. The fourth option is the one that happened to me; the dormant phagocyte wouldn't stay dormant and I would get sick as well."

Matt nodded and stared up at the starry night. There was so much going through his mind right then, so much he wanted to say but didn't know how. A lump grew in his throat. "How long do you have?"

Caldwell shrugged. "I don't know. When the doctor first diagnosed me five months ago, he tried to give me an estimate. I told him I didn't want to know. I didn't want to mark a calendar and give my body a deadline to live to. I could live with this for a couple of months or a couple of years. Right now, my bad days are few and far between by good days. I figure when it's the other way around I won't have long left."

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask how long her mother survived from the diagnosis until her death. But he stopped just short of blurting out the question. He couldn't handle it right then if her answer was any number close to five months. "Does my dad know?"

She shook her head. "No. It's on my list of things to do but some how it keeps being one of those things I push further and further down on the list. You are only one of a small handful of people here in Glen Oak that does know. My boss knows because I had to explain why there would be days I just couldn't work, and of course my doctors at the hospital know."

"What can I do?" Matt looked her in the eye, searching the deep ocean of green for any hint of how he could erase the pain he saw there.

"Go home." She gave his hand a squeeze. "I really did have a great evening, Matt, but I've thrown a huge curve ball at you tonight. Go home and digest what I've told you. After you do, it's up to you what you do next. You have my number; if you still want to see me again, call me. If this is all too weird for you, then there's no harm no foul."

"You mean that? If I walked away right now and never looked back, you wouldn't think I was the most horrible guy to walk the earth?"

"I'd be disappointed but I would understand." She said with a slight smile. Matt recognized the words as pretty much the exact words he'd used earlier that evening when he asked why she went out with him. But the more he looked at her the more he realized she really meant them even more so than he had when he had said them.

"I'm going to call, I promise you that." 

Caldwell looked away. "Don't. Don't promise me anything until you've thought about this a great deal. Right now, you are still reeling from the shock of what I've told you and nice guy that you are you are probably thinking not going out with me again would a scuzzy thing to do. But it's not. IF we go out again, I want it to be despite my illness not because you feel sorry for me."

She rose and handed him his jacket back. Kissing the tip of her finger, she placed it against Matt's lip. "Goodnight, Matt Camden. I really did enjoy tonight."

Matt watched as she retreated inside. As the front door closed behind her, he shook his head. "I am going to call you again Caldwell James. Count on it."


	4. .

Eric stepped into the kitchen early Saturday morning and was surprised to see Matt already up and eating breakfast

Eric stepped into the kitchen early Saturday morning and was surprised to see Matt already up and eating breakfast. "You're up early."

Matt looked up and for a moment Eric caught a glimmer of guilt in his oldest son's eyes. Then Matt smiled. "Hi, Dad. I could say the same about you. This is your one day to sleep late, you know."

Eric was sure Matt was trying to hide something but he couldn't put his finger on what it could be. "I could say the same about you. Almost all week, you've been out until after one a.m. and gone before six in the morning. I expected you to sleep all day."

Matt drained the rest of his orange juice. "Can't. I have plans for today."

Placing the coffeepot back on the burner, Eric carried his mug to the kitchen table and sat beside his son. He tried to appear nonchalant as he asked. "Plans, what kind of plans?"

"Dad, I'm an adult. I don't really have to give you a detailed itinerary, do I?"

Eric shook his head. "No, no. I was just curious."

"Great, cause I have to run. I don't know when I'll be in but tell Mom not to expect me for dinner." As if he were afraid that if he stayed any longer, Eric would grill him farther, Matt put his glass and bowl in the sink and left.

Just as the side door closed, Annie came into the kitchen leading Sam and David by the hand. Eric rose, gave his wife a good morning kiss and picked up Sam. Annie looked around him to the door as she settled David into his high chair. "Was that Matt leaving?" 

Eric caught the disappointed tone in her voice as he deposited Sam into his high chair. "Yeah, he apparently has plans for today. Is it just me or did we see him more when he didn't live here?" 

"You know," Annie began as she cut a banana in half and offered each twin a portion. "Heather was telling me in class yesterday about seeing Matt Tuesday night at the Pool Hall."

Eric was surprised. "Matt and Heather are dating again?"

With a grin, Annie fixed a cup of coffee for herself and joined Eric at the table. She seemed so excited that Eric couldn't help but smile himself – though he wasn't sure he'd be happy to hear that the former couple was no longer former. Annie continued. "Apparently, they are dating just not each other. Heather was at the Pool Hall with her new boyfriend and she says Matt was there with a very attractive young woman. Heather said it appeared that Matt and this girl seemed to be having a wonderful time. 'I haven't seen Matt so happy in a long time' were her exact words."

"So who is this mystery woman?" Eric mused.

Annie shrugged, returning to her coffee. "Heather didn't know. She's never seen her before. That's why I was hoping to have a chance to corner Matt today." Annie pursed her lips thoughtfully. "You know, spying on the kids is so much easier while they are still kids."

Eric laughed, managing with difficulty not to spew his coffee. "Spying on the kids? I thought we agreed to call it showing parental concern?"

Cutting her eyes toward him, Annie frowned. "To the kids, we call it parental concern but you and I both know it's really spying. He's an adult; we can't insist that he bring her to dinner so we can meet her."

"You know, this is probably exactly why he's avoiding us right now."

Annie nodded thoughtfully. "True but it's only a matter of time before he cracks. I'll get the family bloodhound after him. If anyone can find out who this new girlfriend is, it's Ruthie."

**********

"Ruthie is a sweetheart." Caldwell ran her hand lazily through Matt's hair as he lay on a blanket with his head using her lap as a pillow. She in turn was propped against a blanket-covered saddle.

Matt raised an eyebrow. "When did you meet Ruthie?"

"Last week at the academy. I was in charge of the riding class. She," she grinned mischievously, "wasn't afraid of the horse."

"I wasn't scared." Matt protested. "It's more like reasonably cautious."

Caldwell laughed. "You asked where the seat belt was." She took a deep breath and looked across the grassy plain. "Isn't the view beautiful?"

Matt didn't take his eyes off Caldwell. "It sure is."

Realizing he wasn't looking at the same view she was, Caldwell lightly punched his arm. "You're impossible, Matt Camden."

Matt pretended to look confused. "I thought I was a nut case."

Leaning down, Caldwell kissed Matt tenderly on the lips. "You are but I'll keep you anyway."

"As much as I griped about it, I'm glad you suggested this. You are a great cook."

Caldwell laughed, something Matt wished she would do all the time just so he could listen to her. Her laughter was a melody better than any song he'd ever heard. She glanced over at the remains of the picnic basket she'd packed that morning. "Matt, I would hardly call peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a gourmet meal. But I love your flattery."

"I've loved every minute of the time we've spent together." He paused, eyeing her with all seriousness. "I… I even think I'm falling in love with you."

"Matt, don't." Caldwell eased out from under Matt's head and walked over to where a majestic black stallion was grazing idly on the lush green grass. She ran her hand lightly across his silky side.

Matt stood and joined her. He lightly touched her shoulders. "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"Matt, you can't be falling in love with me." She twisted around and looked at him, her eyes full of tears. "I'm dying, remember?"

Placing his finger over her lips, Matt silenced her. "We agreed not to let your illness come between us. Caldwell, when we are together I don't want our date to end and when we are apart, I'm counting the minutes until we are back together. But you know what? You're right; I can't be falling in love with you."

Caldwell lowered her head, disappointed more than she wanted to admit that she'd convinced him. After a second, Matt gently lifted her chin and kissed her. "It's too late; I already love you."


	5. 

"Matt, you're going to church today

"Matt, you're going to church today?" Annie tried to hide her surprise as she emerged from Sam and David's bedroom in time to see Matt head for the stairs. She wanted to out-and-out cheer; could this be the influence of Matt's new girlfriend?

Matt stopped short and squared his shoulders. He'd known his family would give him a hard time about this. The last thing for him to do would be to pretend like nothing was out of the ordinary. He forced a smile and turned toward his mother. "Yeah, a friend of mine was reminding me what a great preacher Dad is and I thought I should go and see what I've been missing."

"What's her name?" Annie asked with a slight, knowing grin.

It was on the tip of Matt's tongue to protest but finally his smile won over. "Her name is Caldwell. How did you…?"

"I'm a mother; I'm trained to know these things." Annie regarded him carefully, wondering how far she could prod him for information. "You really like her, don't you?"

Matt blushed. "Yeah, I really do. She's not like anyone I've ever met before."

She kissed his cheek and gave his arm a squeeze. "Then I'm happy for you. The name doesn't sound familiar to me. I'd like you to give some thought to bringing her to lunch or dinner where we could meet her."

"Mom…"

Annie stopped him with a raise of her hand. "I know; I know you are an adult and don't need your parents' approval for everyone you date but we'd still like to meet her."

"Mom, I was just going to say that I already invited her to lunch after church. I didn't figure you would mind. If it's a problem though…"

"No, it's not a problem. We'd be delighted to have her over. I can't wait to meet her."

Matt grinned. "She's looking forward to today as well."

**********

"Matt, Mom said church is about to begin." Simon stuck his head out the door. Matt was pacing nervously back and forth in the foyer of the church. The smile that Simon had seen earlier on his older brother's face was now a worried scowl.

"She's not here."

Simon raised his eyebrow in confusion. "Mom's inside."

Rolling his eyes, Matt threw himself into the overstuffed chair next to the door. "Not Mom. Caldwell. Why isn't she here?"

"Maybe she overslept and will be here in a moment." Simon shrugged. "Come on inside. When she gets here, she'll find you."

Reluctantly, Matt followed his brother inside and took his seat at the end of the aisle next to his mom. She reached over and touched his knee. Her smile tried to convince him that everything would be okay but Matt was beyond convincing. He glanced back at the door hoping Caldwell would come in. Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat and his skin turned cold and clammy. What if something had happened to her? She lived alone and she was dying. If she were to get sick, nobody would be there to help her.

The choir finished its first hymn and Eric stepped to the pulpit. An unbidden image popped into Matt's subconscious. In his mind's eye he could see Caldwell sprawled unconscious, her face deathly pale and her body lifelessly still. He shot to his feet, startling Annie and halting Eric mid-sentence. With only the briefest apologetic glance at his family, Matt rushed up the aisle and out the church.

Fortune smiled on him as he sped across town to the small cottage Caldwell called home. No flashing blue lights appeared behind him and no red lights in front of him forced him to stop his frantic flight. He barely put the car in park as he pulled into her driveway.

"Caldwell?!" Matt called out as he pounded on her front door. Five minutes later the only answer he'd gotten was the distant barking of a neighborhood dog.

Fear rising from his stomach like bile, Matt tugged on the door in frustration. To his amazement, the knob turned in his hand. It was only then that he remembered Caldwell blushingly admitting that she trusted Glen Oak enough not to lock her door at night when she went to bed. Pushing the door opened, Matt offered up a prayer that she was okay. Entering the living room, he drew up short and stared in horror. The nightmarish image he'd had at the church was now played out for him in living color. Or, he thought as he tried to gulp down the lump of fear embedded in his throat, he hoped the diminutive form of the girl he loved lying spread eagle on the floor was still alive.


End file.
